Barrier
#1: Assuming ”I didn’t tell you because you always get upset.”
Builder
#1: Checking “Although I know this has
upset you before, I need to check
how you want to deal
with it this time.”
Barrier
#2: Rescuing/Explaining “Don’t forget your lunch.”
Builder
#2: Exploring the What? The Why? And the How?
“What will you need to
have ready for your
lunch today?
Barrier
#3: Directing “Pick up your shoes.”
“Put that away.”
Builder
#3: Encouraging/Inviting “I would
appreciate any help you could give me
in straightening up
the room.”
Barrier
#4: Expecting “I was expecting this room to be spotless.”
Builder
#4: Celebrating “I appreciate the
effort you have made to clean up this
room.”
Barrier
#5: Adultisms “You know better than that!
Surely you realize!”
Builder
#5: Respect “What is your perception of _____?” or, “let me check out
what you think.”
Your relationship will improve 100% by avoiding the Five Barriers. Where can you get a better return by thoughtfully doing nothing? Using the Builders is then a bonus.